Some like it public … a quick guide to public sex in Jozi
Public sex has its own entry in Wikipedia. It is described as a sexual activity that takes place in a public context. Not rocket science. But here’s the boring part of the entry. The Wikipedia entry describes public places as a back-yard or in your bedroom with the curtains open, maybe even a car, beach or cemetery (which is just weird) but the point is, with the whole of Joburg as your playground, why not take it up a notch?
We spoke to some of Hello Joburg’s more forthcoming readers for some suggestions and ideas and then tried out some of them. A good time was had by all.
Karaoke booth at Saigon Suzy
Saigon Suzy is the ideal venue for a shag. In fact, if you weigh it all up, you’ll see why
• Setting the mood: The small tapas and sharing menu fills the tummy just enough but won’t leave you feeling like a food coma is imminent. Getting kinky on a full tummy in not ideal. The lighting throughout the venue is conducive to a good flirt with just the right amount of light to lock eyes with the guy across the room at the bar but dim enough that no-one else will notice (unless you stare like a moron for an extended period)
• Physical safety risks: The seating in the karaoke booths are comfy and you can really stretch your legs out when you are lying flat which is important if you are in the mood for more than a quickie. Sex in a tight spot risks an injury.
• Risk of getting caught: The later it gets in the evening, the less strict the venue management become about people coming in and out of the booths which is great because it means less chance of getting caught but still the thrill of someone popping in to sing a song.
The Goodman Gallery in Rosebank
After all, according to Pablo Picasso, “sex and art are the same thing”
• Setting the mood: You both like art so going to an exhibition at a larney gallery in the evening is already exciting. And in the event that one of you doesn’t actually like art, there is often free wine at the gallery and at least one of you likes wine so it’s a win-win situation on the arts and booze front. In conclusion, the combination probably makes you both feel a little dizzy and/or horny. Perfect! Add to that a venue with various halls, nooks and crannies, dim lighting and people going out of their way to ignore other people (because who really socialises at a gallery) and you have an interesting and challenging sex setting.
• Physical safety risks: When it comes to sex in a gallery, you biggest safety concern should be the damage to your wallet. Should you decide to get a little hot and heavy, keep away from anything fragile or breakable. That is not a bill you want to pick up at the end of the evening!
• Risk of getting caught: HIGH! Which is why we suggested it.
PS: If this really does peak your interest, then check out to see what’s on this month to get your partner to the gallery so you can take up the challenge: http://www.goodman-gallery.com/
Hot Air Ballooning
Romantic ride for 2 (with the guy flying the balloon) – but three doesn’t have to be a crowd
• Setting the mood: Can it get more romantic than sunrise over the city? It’s usually pretty chilly at this time of the day too so all the more reason to cuddle. Don’t worry about the guy controlling the hot air balloon. He is focused on keeping you safe and has probably seen it all before. It’s just another day at the office for him really.
• Physical safety risks: This depends a lot on the size of the basket, but a standard basket can take up to 8 people plus an instructor. If you have booked the balloon for just two of you to play crouching tiger and biting dragon while the instructor directs the balloon, then it’s pretty roomy. Just make sure you take a soft-ish blanket along.
• Risk of getting caught: Well if it’s just the two of you and the guy flying the balloon then get comfortable with the fact that he may sneak a peek. Alternatively, if you opt for a 4-couple experience, then with the correct clothing and positioning (i.e. gal in skirt in front of guy with loose fitting pants) there’s no reason you can’t go for a little dip in. Everyone else is going to be focusing on the view anyway.
On a lesser used staircase – anywhere!
Now the world is your bedroom
• Setting the mood: This one’s for the couple who really just can’t wait. At any busy mall, hotel, theatre, airport or office block there is a staircase, somewhere waiting to be christened. Joburg has plenty of these so this one really is yours for the picking.
• Physical safety risks: Of all the places to have sex, this is probably one of the most uncomfortable. Between the steps and stair bannisters, a little slip or bump could result in concussion or even broken bones.
• Risk of getting caught: The chances of getting caught by an individual on a remote stairwell is high. Think hotel manager running between floors, a shop assistant dashing downstairs or to the roof for a quick ciggie or just a kid in a mall playing hide and seek #awkies. But seeing as though these are usually service stairs, you are unlikely to be discovered by a big crowd armed and ready to WhatsApp – so that’s the upside.
In a sex club
Despite South Africans being a little more conservative than the rest of the world, these do exist.
• Setting the mood: Well if you’re going to one of these spots, then you’re probably in the mood already. And this really is a safe place because they’re designed for you to let your hair down and take your pants off. There is a perception that sex clubs are for single people who can’t get laid to find a stranger and get it on, but according to our sources, a lot of couples who have been together for ages like a visit to one of these places for some fun together.
• Physical safety risks: These types of clubs take personal safety, dignity and reputation very seriously. Many of them have a screening process and/or introduction tours with briefs on what to expect upfront.
• Where to go:
If you think we’ve missed a spot, please do share. It’s your public duty!
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